Chapter X

I entered the apartment and looked around, not feeling at home but somehow knowing that it was okay to be there. It was a modest, uncluttered place, yet spacious and airy. Books and papers however were piled high on a dining room table across the room to my left. Behind the table bright sunshine blared through a huge floor-to-ceiling glass window. So bright it was difficult to look in that direction. Across the living room in the corner, there was a staircase. It spiraled up; an ornate iron frame with wooden steps. The floor was wall-to-wall beach brown carpeting, exactly the same as in my apartment. It covered all except for the dining room floor, which from where I stood appeared to be as clear as glass reflecting a bright sky. The walls were colored in soft pastels, a light mint green downstairs giving way to a carnation pink halfway up to the high ceiling. A ceiling which for some reason I could not actually see for the brightness – skylights maybe. The use of light was intentional here, wherever here was. The place was bathed in it. But standing there, I realized that the light blasting everything around me was not reflecting on me. I looked like a black and white character in a technicolor film. From my inside I recognized deep feelings of gloom and depression. Even in the midst of such brilliance, I felt empty of all emotion, as if I was dying from a heavy heart. But then I heard the cheerful voice of a young woman calling down from above, “You okay, honey?”


I looked up and saw an open hallway at least 12 feet above me that I had not noticed earlier. It ran along the right, for the entire length of the room from back where the staircase climbed. The woman stood in the middle, halfway to the stairs. She looked down at me and smiled while reaching behind her neck, fixing her blouse or her honey blonde hair. Her light pink blouse was somewhat puffy in the shoulders and glistened like satin. Her appearance while definitely above average, was not exactly my type, but there was something astonishingly special about her that made me feel better inside. Seeing her, I began to feel relieved,  even while remaining confused about where I was and why. I answered her honestly, “I don’t know if I’m okay. I’m very sad about something, but I don’t know what”.

For some reason I neglected or felt no need to ask who she was, or where I was. She smiled back at me and said, “I’m coming”. While I did not actually see her come down the stairs, a moment later there she was, approaching me as I stood on the edge of the carpet where it met the translucent floor of the dining room table. Her blouse was tucked into high-waist, white pants. At first I thought her long legs were snugly fit in 1970s-style bell-bottoms, except as she approached it flowed more like a gown. Only about two inches shorter than me, she moved easily, almost weightless. She had a dancer’s figure, emanating lightness and grace.

Moving some papers on the table out of the way, she faced me, smiled again, and effortlessly boosted herself up to sit on the table. Completely at ease, she swung her dangling legs back and forth a few times. The table itself seemed to float on the crystal-clear floor. I remained standing inches away on what now seemed more like a carpeted precipice. She put a hand on each of my shoulders and urged me to turn and face her. Her forehead was almost covered by long bangs that angled from left to right and her hair was short, delicately framing radiant, vaguely freckled cheeks and an oval face. She looked at me through emerald eyes that sparkled a green so majestic as to be most certainly not of this, or rather, my earth. Immediately I felt that she could see into my soul. Her gaze mesmerized and warmed me as if I was looking at the personification of love and compassion. She seemed much younger and purer than me but much wiser. Her essence was joy and virtue. I felt secure with her and I trusted her with my life.

She grasped my arms with smooth hands and directed me to hold her. While delicate at the waist, she was not fragile, if that were even possible. I felt a sense of awe wash over me and I felt honored just to be in her presence. Looking at me with tilted head, already knowing me better than I did, she laid her arms on my shoulders. A moment later she pulled me close, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. She reassured me, “Honey, everything is going to be fine”. I returned the embrace. Folding myself around her, I buried my face in the side of her neck and breathed in deeply. Her scent was more intoxicating than a thousand spring orange blossoms. I exhaled and felt the darkness flush out of me. With each breath I was rejuvenated, and I never wanted to let her go. She was my lifeblood and I quickly adored her. Perhaps I had adored her for eons. I was grateful that we were together whether it was for the first time or the millionth. We slowly released the embrace, immersed in each other’s gaze.

I lingered on her face; her skin seemed to glow. I noticed her lips; soft, rosy, irresistible. Her brilliant smile was disarmingly cute. I felt what we had could only be described as transcendent and profound. Earth-words were inadequate. She was my first innocent schoolboy crush multiplied a million trillion times, for eternity. I noticed that even the bright light from the glass wall behind her couldn’t dim her glow; it only wrapped us up in its warmth. It energized me, and my living color began to return. Her aura was part of the brightness; visual beauty, but experienced deeply. We kissed lovingly and romantically. I was convinced of our intimacy. She interlaced her fingers with mine. I looked down and humbly whispered, “thank you”.

Feeling better, I began shifting my attention to my bewilderment. My thoughts focused on questions. Who are you? Who are we? And where am I? My wanton demand for some logical explanation threatened the euphoria. She knew that my state of bliss had reached its zenith, and was now giving way to shallow curiosity. She comforted me. “Don’t worry my love,” she cooed, “We’re going to do this together”. I immediately felt more at ease from the sound of her voice.

She slipped herself off the table, took a small step out of the brightly lit dining room, and stood there on the earth-carpet with me. Her pink silk blouse turned into a petite white T-shirt with small green horizontal stripes. Her bell-bottom gown transformed into slightly faded blue jeans. In bare feet, she was easy-going and casual, but still divine. She took my hand and began to lead me toward the door. Sensing my apprehension and anxiety, she reminded me, “It’s going to be okay, babe”, promising, “I’m always going to be with you”. She got up on her tip-toes, leaned in, and whispered in my ear, “Don’t forget how much I love you”.  As she let go of my hand and faded into the ether, I watched her smiling. Her love became brighter than the sun. It engulfed us both. I closed my eyes, and that was it. I woke up.


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